[Reading] 同性戀用幽默開啟對談和認同

'According To My Mother' Takes A Comedic Look At LGBT Acceptance And Cultural Differences

美國最高法院在6月26日做出決定，同性婚姻在全美各州全面合法，同性戀者和異性戀者享有同樣的法律權利。這對美國同性戀的族群是一大的喜訊，法律保障每個人的權利，卻不能保證所有人都因此認同同性戀者。

社會開始對同性戀的議題感到認同，但我們對同性戀者的生活以及所面對的困難，恐怕還是很少很少。前幾天蔡康永在中國的節目坦誠，當有其他同性戀詢問他是否該出櫃，蔡康永即使很想鼓勵，卻知道出櫃後所受的眼光和壓力之大，也許不是每個人都承受的了。

最痛苦的變化，大概就是最親的家人無法接受和支持，家庭關係因此決裂，原本給你無條件情感依靠和慰藉的父母，卻變成心中的刺。報導裡的Isaac和他的媽媽也在這樣的關係裡，經歷過一樣的痛苦。Isaac的媽媽不認同他同性戀的身分，在和兒子聊天時，也不時提出對同性戀的質疑和問題。這樣的對話在第三者的角度看來非常滑稽有趣。"How may you gay have sex?" "I heard dehe gays are so clean because dhe sex is so dirty"幽默的觀點意外地開啟了彼此對話和了解的可能。

Isaac在大一那年出櫃，和媽媽的關係急遽惡化，他是單親家庭，所以到學校尋求經濟協助，學校也給他心理諮詢。治療師告訴他，他有三種選擇:白色、黑色和灰色。 白色是順著媽媽的意思，放棄同性戀的身分，回到和媽媽原本親密的關係。黑色是彼此繼續保持沉默，任憑和媽媽之間的裂痕擴大，放棄和媽媽之間的關係，因為雙方都沒有意願改變。治療師接著告訴Isaac，因為他們是單親家庭，Isaac又是唯一的孩子，所以母子關系對彼此都很重要，所以他建議Isaac找到彼此的灰色地帶。

灰色地帶就是接受母親這輩子都沒辦法接受同性戀，站在母親的角度去理解，冷漠甚至是批評來自於媽媽對於同性戀的恐懼，然後不要讓那些言語傷害自己太深。老話說，愛是不求回報。這一切雖然顯得有點太神聖而難以真的實現，Isaac也不是每次爭論中都做得到這樣不求回報的同理心，但透過線上分享和媽媽之間的對話，藉著大家從幽默詼諧的回覆，從較不嚴肅、不針對彼此的角度來開啟溝通，對Isaac來說，不僅得到情感的抒發，也漸漸找到和母親間更多的灰色地帶，也因此更了解彼此，得到多一點愛。

人的價值觀一旦形成且根深蒂固，一時面對完全相反的觀念，肯定無法接受，開始排斥甚至是否定。面對這樣的困局，要輕易的改變很難。若一開始的立場就設定在非黑即白的互相對立，要彼此接受更是不可能。唯一的方法，就是先有一方願意去了解對方，開啟對話和溝通，這之間因為價值觀衝突一定有爭執，Issac告訴我們的是，若能用幽默的角度來面對這件事，對話得以持續，改變才獲得可能，當對方也開始願意理解自己的時候，灰色地帶便能逐漸擴大。


Quotes from this article

This happened not only because of the comedic nature of their communication, but because of the visible exploration of the love between a mother and child, despite the way that cultural and religious differences can serve as a wedge in their relationships.

I realized maybe other people would enjoy hearing about this too and see how a different perspective can radically change a relationship dynamic.

And perhaps we could find a gray area in which I would accept the likelihood that she was never going to change her belief system, but I would learn to have compassion in the face of her homophobia, or ignore her ignorance, and let her words that were meant to hurt just go through one ear and out the other

And maybe if we found the gray area in our extreme points of view a little bit more, then maybe we could have a little more understanding in the world. A little more love.

I’ve learned the importance of trying to find laughter and comedy when there’s seemingly none to be found. 

Words to take away
1. 男同性戀的: queer
Like a lot of queer people, Daniel K. Isaac has a complicated relationship with his mother, Esther.
2. 虔誠的: devoutly
3. 認同: approve of
Esther is a devoutly religious Korean-American who doesn't approve of her son's sexuality 
4. 設法克服、解決: grapple with
For a long time, Isaac grappled with how to deal with his mother's disapproval
5. 療癒的、有療效的: therapeutic
she is fully supportive of the film and embraces the idea that art can be therapeutic
6. 講述: recount
7. empathy: 同感
8. compassion: 同情心
9. 極度的: utter
I would recount the conversation, and rather than finding empathy or compassion for my plight, I would be met with laughter or utter shock and disbelief.
10. 非常: downright
11.滑稽: comical
It took an outsider’s perspective for me to realize how ridiculous or absurd and downright comical my mom sounded
12. 發文、PO文: snippet
 So I took to Facebook and received more “likes” on those snippets of conversations than I ever did on a new profile picture
13. 不願談起:reticent
I have a handful of friends and old acquaintances who are reticent to express their support
14. confidentiality: 機密性、隱密性
Or dishonoring a familial bond or parent-child confidentiality (is that a thing?)
15. 怪癖、癖好: idiosyncratic
I counter these points with stories about friends/acquaintances/strangers who tell me about their idiosyncratic families.
16. 報答、回報: reciprocate
Love by example, even when it may never be reciprocated in the same fashion
17. 情感宣洩: catharsis
No. I mean, I find a weird form of catharsis by writing about it and sharing it with the world.
18. 繼續: resume
"Black” meant resuming our silence,
19. 模板、楔子: wedge
the visible exploration of the love between a mother and child, despite the way that cultural and religious differences can serve as a wedge in their relationships.
20. 左耳聽右耳出: go through one war and out the other 
let her words that were meant to hurt just go through one ear and out the other
21. 裂痕: rift
Black” meant resuming our silence, letting the rift grow larger and learning to live without a relationship with my mother because neither of us was going to change.